I've lost interest in college...
No..
More on..I've lost my reasons WHY I need to be in college..
To study?..
To get the certificate for a better job?..
To widen my 'friend' range?
To find Mr.Right?..
To get better education?..
To satisfy certain people?
Seriously..I've lost my connection on it..
back in 2007..When I started my first year in college, taking up Hotel Management as my major..I thought I would like to work in a hotel someday..and earn my living from it. Then goes on continuing my degree, along the way I try to find myself a man and see what future brings us..
I started thinking seriously on 2008 that...its.not.what.I.really.want.to.do.in.life.
I tried to be positive and just do it and hope along the way, I'll see what I saw on my 2007 thoughts.
To think of it...Now its 2010..and all I have been doing is the "Just do it" part and not the other way around.
Although I always said to give up quickly..but I never do it that fast..
I still feel like I want to do it...
but I believe Im doing this JUST to satisfy my dad..and his hard earn cash that's being burned i my course..just adds up the guilt
My heart is not at the right place
..
So does my ability to continue this..
Some of you might think that what im doing is pointless..
But I do struggle all the time just to break even things [Although I dont show it much to people and make them believe im living a happy life all the time] .
Im no where near the intelligent area..So I make use of my communication skill as much as I can through presentations to cover my flaw...and for the extra markings!
"This is NOT pointless"
Everyday....Everyday I say this in my head...Re-playing in my mind like a broken record...
A good friend of mine say "U will not go in the line of hospitality after U graduate"...
I asked for a reason..and she never gave me one. She kept on implying the same words over and over again..
I wont lie..the anger was there...the curiosity was there...
All I did ...correction..ALL I EVER DID in this kind of situation is just fricken smile..
It makes me wonder when she said that..
"Am I not good enough for this working line?"
"Am I just that plain stupid old fool to just close my eyes and do whatever anyone wants me to do?"
or
"Why in the hell did she said that?"..
I need reason to back up whatever people said..
Everyday I heard people calling me naive, stupid, straight forward..
Well, Im sorry..
I was raised to be a truthful person..
I was raised not to be a rude person..
I was raised..blah blah blah...
Although throughout the years, I followed someone's footsteps and discovered being a rebel isn't a bad thing.
But I still cant change on who I was raised into..
Im not wasting my precious time...
Although I am SURE thats how EVERYONE see me as...
Be lenient on me..
and have a little FAITH..
If you can put your trust and believe on the next person..
why not put it on me too?
4 comments:
Dear Shakeera,
Sorry that I've only discover this now, when i read this thru, u know wat goes into my ming, " what the heck is she thinking about ? "
What can I do to make you really listen to me for this ONCE? Swear that every single words i said is true okayyyyy, you're not what u thought we're thinking of u, yea..perhaps u're following somebody footsteps right now but hyeee, dats a long way to go and i'm glad dat u're manage to be where u are today, not being someone who quit easily, even this is not what u have been chosen but trust me, there's always something that lead us to this point today...
you might not like hospitality, college and couldn't even find a single reason for u to keep on studying this course but someday we will all be grateful that we've the chance to be educated even if it's not what we have wanted to learn...
you said dat you're not the intelligent one, this is one, i totally din agree coz thru my observation, you're not the STUPID one okkkkkkkk, at least u still will pay some effort during test, exam or presentation and believe it or not, i never heard any one of them judging ur work,dat mean u have always did a GREAT job in college...
even people seldom spot u but u're like the bright light hidden behind some cloudy clouds, u get wat i mean?
about wat i said, u've totally misunderstoos my meaning lah dear, i'm FIRM in saying u WILL NOT go into hotel line because u have always being protected by ur dad, dats y i said u won't rebel his decision bha, but that doesn't mean that u're like his doll, don't have any own dream or goal to achieve...i remember u said u want to open a bakery shop one day so i thought u will really go for it in the future and dats y u won't be in hotel line...
and the most important, i can know dat u're the one that prefer staying at home rather going out, u love ur family more than anything so this doesn't apply to a hotelier as hotelier have to sacrifice their time and married with the hotel..
even one day u end up being in teh hotel line, i'll still be proud of u as it's not an easy road after all, hope u get wat i mean lah after all the writing...: )
love u, hugggssss
Hi! Thanks for visiting, following, and leaving comments on my blog!
I truly appreciate it! :D
Now is the time for me to return the favour.
This is exactly how I felt all the way through college.
I majored in Genetics in college, and when I first started, I thought I'm living a dream that had come true.
But as time goes by, I lost my interest and just doing whatever I can to graduate. It was torture, because it seemed like everyone else was so much smarter and you can't top them, no matter how hard you try.
I thought I was stupid and so did everyone else. But the thing is, I was never stupid. If I was ever stupid, I won't be there in the first place. It's just that my heart was in the wrong place.
After graduation, I ditched genetics, and switched into publishing instead. It's been a year and a half in publishing, and I'm still passionate and working hard as ever, because this is where my heart belongs.
Things won't be easy (as you might have read from my blog), but I have burning passion and spirit to fight against the odds. Find your purpose, love. Find where your heart wants to belong, and you will have the same spirit & passion I had for things I do :)
I'll keep reading, and commenting, and see what you're up to, all the way :)
*hugs* Good luck & be strong! :)
Bulyna: thanks so much...im really happy to hear ur reason today...i really thought that u dont have a confidence of me being a hotelier..
of coz i love my family but i do need the money to be able to open my own shop....hahah....
thanks so much for ur comment..u dont know how happy and all smiley i was to hear this from u...
I do strive to be like one of u guys...all mature, likeable and independent..
but i guess old habits die hard for me ehh....=.=...
I do really appreciate everything u said and being my friend also ^_^
@ Simply mas: Thanks so much for the awesome advice...I am searching for my heart...hopefully I can find it in the hotel line...coz I do love being a hotelier apart of seeing the bad side of it..hehe...
I love reading ur blog..the stories...the advices really pull me through all this week....
Im looking forward on reading more of your posts soon...
and thanks for dropping by!
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