.............again..FRICKEN SERIOUSLY???

Round up for this week..
Its not even the end of the week yet..
but i feel so pissed off!!..

A lot things happen ...
Respect me the same way I fricken respect you...
my tolerance is getting thinner and thinner...
The ice is gonna break soon..
Here treated as s*it..there....also no different..

What am I?
a FRICKEN DOLL??...

I don't like bullies...no matter in what ways..
I know im in no place to say such things..because I was one..
But come on la...
Im trying to change...
the word TRYING never been left out on any of my sentences..

I like to say thank you no matter if the person is helpful or not...
Coz that's the way I am..
NOT that I am prancing about it or trying to gain attention..
My parents thought me to always be grateful no matter how small their contributions are!

I like wearing flops because I feel the most comfortable wearing it!..
I can wear heels anytime NO QUESTION ask or whenever I feel like it..
to wear it everywhere? Why bother?...Im trying to look good and feel comfortable to myself NOT for anyone's satisfaction..
I like wearing shirts and jeans...
because I JUST LIKE THEM
Im trying to change but NOT drastically..
I STILL LOVE JEANS and SHIRTS..
Its the most casual style and I LOVE IT!..
I FEEL UTTER CONFIDENCE WEARING THEM!...

If I don't like it..then FULLSTOP!...It means I DON'T LIKE IT!..or MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME TO LIKE IT!...
Just because I have different taste doesn't meant you all can just go embarrass me like that in public..

Ice is thinning..
I appreciate everything..
but Im also a human being..

NO ONE LIKES TO BE HUMILIATED OR MADE FUN OF!...
I LIKE WHAT I LIKE
YOU LIKE WHATEVER YOU LIKE..
YOU DON'T SEE ME GO ANYWHERE AND MAKE FUN OF IT!...

*sighs*

I change when I feel like I want to....
Im not always gonna be like this..or am I?..
what you care?...
life belongs to every individual who's living it...

and Im living mine..
I appreciate everyone's help..
get it?..
I APPRECIATE....the HELP!..
But Im the one will be calling in the FINAL DECISION!...

Earth Hour 2010

27th March 2010
Marked another Earth Hour since 2007
Support Madam Earth
...
That's the least what im doing now by switching off any unused electricity for 1 hour starting 8:30 until 9:30PM

Im doing my part..
What about you?

Update: Parte 2 (So Far)

This is my final update to catch up...
im currently trying to do as much as I can this weekend....and start doing revision for upcoming tests....I know Im not a smart person..or even good at any subject =.=
But I want to try my hardest to pass this semester...
I want to continue my journey to adulthood...

I want to be someone who my family and friends can rely on..
A shoulder they can lean on...
A person who they can talk freely to....

I want to be that person....
I want to be useful...


I can't keep on crying on the smallest things...
My heart belongs to god
My body and soul belongs to god
and Im sure he have a good reason why he let me live up until today
Although Im not always on the same path as him..
but Im trying hard to create my own life.....

I.want.to.see.life.on.the.greener.side.of.the.hill

update: Parte 1 (So Far)

Ah Its been so long since I last update...
Now while im resting and watching TV..
I might as well do this thing now...

Well lets see what happened since I last post anything here.....
So a couple of weeks ago, I just sat for my tests...a whole week of test..
I bound to fail any subjects...
With the deadline for all assignments just by my neck and about the event stuff...
I bound to die at some point..

Days of absolute NO concentration...
Kills me...
I play facebook application games to release stress..
No use..when I think about everything..
my head started to fill with all assignments, event and monetary things...

and stress comes knocking down the door again...

I take everything with a pinch of salt..
as what one of my lecturer said "Mr.Mali"..
I need to remind myself to hit him so hard for giving me that saying..
Coz EVERYTHING is so hard....
So So hard...
=.=

So lets start with the assignment matter...
It came like a bullet train..one after another...
and the deadline was like neighbors to each other...
As of now..I still have Economics, Law, English and Event assignments that needed to be done..
WHICH i havent even started yet...
and the deadline for most of it is...next week or next 2 weeks
and IN BETWEEN is the presentation...=.=

Along the line..I sat for my tests...LAW, ECONOMICS, ACCOUNTING,ENGLISH and HOTEL OPERATION...
I pass 3 of the subjects ONLY!!..
and by far LAW has been a biggest challenge for me..because I could only score 18% out of 100%..
I need to focus on my assignment and TEST 2 to make it up for the mess....
FOCUS!!!

My economics was shy of 4 marks to pass the test..and he's only giving 1 test...=.=
I need to make it up on the assignment and presentation for it..
so I hope they can cover for my failure...

Surprisingly I pass my 1st accounting test...
which I didn't even concentrate on studying the subject at all...
I just finish the assignment and my group had done with the presentation..so I hope I can have a good coursework mark.....because i am definitely NOT confident with the second test this coming wednesday..=.=

My English test 1 was probably the best out of all..because I managed to get a hefty score of 92%
So Im pretty much happy for it..
So im gonna do the best I can for the 2nd test..because the new lecturer is seriously a stingy person..=.='''
(Why can't ALL of my subject scores look like this?....)

As for Hotel Operation..We only get one test...I handed in our group assignment and in a couple of week, we will be doing the presentation...So that scared the isht out of me..because I want to pass this subject...My test score is not that great but I managed to pass it...
So Im quite happy...

Left is the event..
on 20th March 2010.......HMG and TMG students had held a Culinary Workshop cum International Food Exhibition event at Asia City Complex...
A lot of things happened...I was the Arts and Creative Director Assistant, I was in charge of Australian Stall with Ms.F and I was also the Master of Ceremony with the help of Chloe...

That day I run 3 jobs...
Its not a shocking thing for me to do more than 1 job...
but....all of that was new to me...
I like artsy things all of my life
I've always wanted to know what its like to have my own stall to take care of...
and I did a small Emcee-ing back in my days...

Doing all of those three was impossible..
But I managed with the help of my great friends...:)
I appreciate them so much!!..

I got a little quarrel with Ms.F about our stall..she was neglecting her job as my partner and focus more on the people who sponsored us by taking care of THEIR exhibition rather than our own...things went well in the end...
but everyone kept saying how much my face shows my bad mood..
but I didnt even notice anything...LOL..
Maybe Its just the stress kicking in..
coz I was practicing my emcee lines with Chloe while helping Dyana with the Art n Creative things..which I know in the end I mostly help a little ONLY..So SORRY...

A lot of things had happen towards the month of March..
Some was negative...sad.....etc..
but mostly it was fun..
I grew a lot this year..
I've bought my FIRST dress....
I've tried SO many dresses...(which I could NEVER do back in the days because of the small amount of confidence planted in me....xD)

Im becoming a little girlish-er than last year..
Its a scary thing...
but im trying to make it happen...
Its gonna be hard..
but atleast im trying xD..


Im looking forward on what future will bring for me..:)



It feels like im finally on my way to be an adult......

Tired....FCUK IT!

so this past 4 weeks has been killing me..
to the point of tearing up my eyes...
My life and MONEY is officially revolve around event management..

Im officially a pauper...=.=
..
Anyways...
after a hard weeks of stress....
Weekend is finally..so I was hoping after finishing up everything, I would get a rest in mind...

BUT NOOOOO~~~.
It just had to be fkin ruined!..
So what if she's being nice to me?..
Do I look like I care a bit?..
Someone's doing a nice thing to me.
so in return...its just proper to be nice...eventhough at heart you know the truth might hurt her..

so tell me what is your position to said those things?..
It JUST happened..
there's pictures of proof..doesn't mean i'll jump with glee and ANNOUNCE it to everyone..

H.E.L.L.O
Im 20..may be slightly IDIOTIC than you..
but I know how to take care of myself..
I dont need constant attention to continue life..
NOR do I need a MOTHERLY FRIGGIN FIGURE to ensure myself...

what I know..My mom's dead...dead for 7 years...
no one can take her place in my heart..
not her...not any mother in law...certainly not you!...

everyone has their own status in my heart...
BAPA..IS BAPA..
AUNTIE is HIS WIFE..
her daughter..is HER FRIGGIN DAUGHTER...
KELLY is my brother..no matter how much an ass he can be at time..
and YOU...You'll always be a sister to me...someone who I look up too..
someone that I know will be there all the time..

but you know what..
if this continues....*sighs*

THERE'S POINT WHERE EVERYONE WILL BE FED UP...!!~!!!

Just because you're older than me..doesn't mean it gives you all the rights to make me feel like ISHT....

I love you....but im not friggin DOG! for you to boss, kick and step on...
The reason I don't fight back..is because of respect...
and its fading away...

I know im not this golden award given daughter or sister..
but im trying REAL hard not to do anything stupid..

come on la..
HOME is where I can just shut myself from the outside world..
AT College is no different..im bossed around and always yelled at..
being used..kicked on the curb...called stupid..was the JOKE of everything..

ndakkan rumah sendiri pun ada perasaan begini?..

Kalau semua pun ndak ngam....baik aku mati jak kan...kurang jgak beban kamu smua..
KAN MAU JAGA KAMU PUNYA PERASAAN JAK..
AKU NI MANADA PERASAAN..
SIAPA LA AKU NIE!!!!!

ndak berguna di dunia..ntah la...di akhirat mcm mana!

weekend!! and more rants from college to life..and MONEY

Tomorrow's the weekend...
But it still feel like college as I'll be doing revisions..assignments and event stuffs...
Freakin' TIRED!!..

I need my sleep...
why oh why?
I need to rest my head before starting fresh..
everyday I woke up sleepy...
and everynight I sleep like a log but my mind's rotating all the work that needed to be done...

but thankfully...
2 of my assignments are finish..
so Im left with
Economic and Accounting2 assignment which the deadline is just around the corner..and I havent done much of it =.=...

tests...is totally gonna kill me..
Hotel Operation test..on 11th march
Law Test..on 8th march
Economic test on 12th march

Not to mention...
ALL assignments are provided with beautiful presentations WHICH i have not even memorized or read..

and to top it ALL off...
The Culinary Workshop event is in 2 weeks time...
and A HELL LOT OF THINGS NEEDED TO BE DONE...

Im doing all of this with a sprained ankle...

.....hmm....I should get an award for this....=.=''

SO what happen in event class today..
I might be rude..
but I guess I just lashed out to my work partner, Fiona...

WHICH I apologize for lashing out on her this morning..I know her intentions are good..
I know she wanted to impress the VVIP's that Hospitality and Tourism students can perform culinary arts well...but the difference between me and her is that...SHE'S A WORKING GIRL and IM NOT...

so She was suggesting US to make cakes for the VVIP who participates in this event....
I was on the verge of tearing up..
and im telling you NO LIES..
I ALMOST in tears because of it...

why?

I don't have money anymore..
This god forsaken event is sucking me out of my life...
If I have RM100 today....after the event class I would be owing my purse -RM100...
My dad kept on "singing" in my ears about the OVER money spending...

Im even on the verge of cutting myself just to let loose of the burden a little..
*sighs*
I need to go to the college's prom night... on this May 22nd..
I need to just let loose of myself and forget everything for ONE night...

I need that..

The payment is about RM70..
which I only pay abt RM50 now...

and I need to find a suitable dress for it...
Pretty sure the COST of the dress might literally give me a heart attack..

cause im managing everything from the daily RM10 my dad give me for college...
thus the reason why im more money cautious now...

I'll just with do with what I got now....
I still have RM70 with dyana....but i dont feel like using it now...
i still wanna keep it for another rainy day..
but im facing HEAVY RAIN+EARTHQUAKE here...
=.=
I might ask my dad to support me a couple of bucks more..

I dun feel like asking him for more money nowadays...
He's supporting the WHOLE family is hard enough already...
There are times I would think..."If I get a job and get married soon [prior no children atm] , I would not be much of burden to him anymore"

Right now, the only thing in my head is to finish college and find a job..
I know my dad wants me to continue study...truthfully..I don't feel like continuing my studies at the moment...I just need to see the world from a worker's eyes and continue where im going....

This is hard!..No one ever said that this is easy....*sighs*

PS: Lately I've been having chest pains and pain in the kidney area...thus the reason why im so cautious when my friends play "POKE SHAKEERA" on the waist game....Not because im such a plastic bitch or anything...Its just..the pain is UNBEARABLE....

Maybe Its nothing....Its been 1 1/2 year since this chest pain came back...I guess its prolly nothing much....

Im still breathing right???...

but...sometimes I wish I didn't....=.=


GOSH~ I can't believe the state of stress im in now....It makes me feel dying is better than living...

But...whenever I feel like giving my life up...I always think..I live up until now...im pretty sure a couple more years wouldn't hurt that bad

Funny.how.life.goes.

Weekend please come!

Im tired to the bone..
This semester is basically the toughest I've ever faced...
Im tired every morning and every night..
Even when I go to sleep, everything kept on flashing back onto my mind...
Thus,waking up in a very tired mode...

I feel like dying....
*sighs*

DBKK Treasure Hunt Parte 2

The HUNT is on!
So yesterday we went for the hunt!...





This was the day before...where we went for the briefing meeting!!..
Ahh~~~
On 28th Feb 2010..
Everyone woke up EXTRA early!..
We went to Lintas Yoyo to meet up..and start sticking all the stickers to kath's car

LUCKY #71~~~



Some Pics taken AFTER the race finished






Some of the games we played to get points!!





We fought..had a little misunderstood....We went the wrong way...we got stuck with the questions given...but in the end...above all that..We had fun!!...

More pics are on my facebook....add me up to view it..coz privacy is an important thing!