the time has come...3 years reminiscing

After 3 years and 2 months head to head with my studies to obtain a paper called "DIPLOMA"..
I finally held it in my hand (theorically speaking ).... how my time run off from its course about 7 months more finally comes to an end...

I hand in my final documents to the college accounts approximately at 9:45AM and took the last walk around the compound ONE LAST TIME..I talk as if im not gonna see the building anymore..For your information, the distance between the college and my house is about less than 3KM or so....xD

But still....the memories....I've been through hell and heaven there...different from high school...
I grew a lot..i gain a lot..and i lost a lot too...I had my first b*tch hate months after joining in my course ...of course wasn't my fault as she thought that i was having some sort of crazy affection towards her boyfriend (which i didn't even know who he was back then but glad now that he had become one of my good friends hehe...)...

I remembered we did a fashion show for mentor and mentee in the first semester i enrolled....we didn't quite have the time to practice in because we don't have the right place to practice..the right music for que...we only did final practices 2 days before....and all of us are pretty sure that we will NOT win...not even a grain of faith buried inside us....on the day itself..I emceed our section of fashion show....I had done some emceeing in my school days but not as big as the whole new comers and lecturers in ONE big hall room...=.=...I was scared to the point I screwed up...which I did ...no one notices tho..they all thought it was scripted...as I was holding a paper on my left hand...Sorry Fiona...I did only knew you not long before..xD

Our theme was Tokyo Street Style...
Little do we now...
We won FIRST place for it..
We laugh so hard...if only they knew our sloppy practices for the past 2 days for 2 hours only xD...

This is our group picture..taking the first place...hamper...heheh

From left standing: Ivan Leong Wei Han, Eleanore Sheena, Alice Chang, ME, Sherlina, Mr Duncan Hong (lecturer), Sarah Soo Vun Chi, Fiona Yong and Ngwi Chee Leong..
From Left Sitting: David, Gabriel and Maloney Jini

Yes, I still remember all of your names :)...

Afterwards college was having this School Of Hostpitality and Tourism -SOHAT Night..and they acknowledge my wittiness in emceeing...so they personally invite me to be the emcee for tha particular night...unfortunately, being uncomfortable in large crowds stopped me from saying yes....oh and also my uncle was having his wedding ceremony where I last saw my cousin (azri)
being taken away to the hospital and lost him on the same day...I don't have regrets for missing the SOHAT night..I just regretted that i never spent more time with him....May his beautiful soul rest in peace...

Duo presentation with Feli..killed me...because I was away for a week to KL vacationing with my family, with that said a week after was the ACTUAL presentation...we had to present infront of the whole class and 3 lecturers...I didn't know what she wrote on the slides because I only did the last half of our project folio and she did the first half...So I was scared...I arrive at KK at 7AM, went hom change my clothes and went to the presentation class at 9AM with no absolute idea in my head on HOW to present...So we went to the front and I did all the talking...I steal glances at the laptop screen to steal some ideas of the topic...after everyone had their presentation...
Mr.Mali announces the best presentation...Funny thing...Feli's name and mine was announce...
We laughed quietly..Nobody shall know our little mishap...xD (Other than those who reads it)
heheheh

I had my first final examination as a college student...which scared the living day lights out of me..I resit 1 subject -hospitality- which supposedly I could've passed it as the lecturer had announced to me but changed his mind minutes later on..DAMN...

Second semester arrived, as I remembered I failed one subject....
Third semester arrived..Short semester...2-3 months only...3 classes only...I had so much free time..

I shall continue this on.....SOON..hehehe

Orange Caramel- Magic Girl

heachan feat Izzati...

enjoy xD

G.A.M.E its on!

After having suspended from my previous account..I rise from the ashes like a phoenix ..cheh...hahah....*coughs* with a new account ">
And I joined an online entertainment called LT Entertainment and debuted in a group called G.A.M.E..which stands for Goddesses who Arises.......Okay I forgot what M.E stands for LOL....Sorry LemonToppy..xD

This is our Debut Single side B ..a cover of After School-Because of You...My job in the group is as one of the leader, lead vocalist & lead rapper..XD

yes...apparently I rap good in korean xD....

So check out the vid above heheheh

If the video doesn't shows..here's the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j51utOj84qk

Suspended

So this week hasn't been so nice to me...
My youtube got suspended after 3 long years of survival...Just because of some Art bank proclaimed the rights for it..and the video was as old as my account..
So stupid...

So I made a new account..and have to start everything from scratch again...=.=
All my beautiful 200++ subscribers and my 250++ videos...all my 500++ friends...GONE..
Just like that..GONE...

FCUK!

NOW im here to tell you my new youtube account again..
http://www.youtube.com/user/heaveninloveForever

This time Im gonna sing everything..LIVE...

101 People Singing Eenie Meenie Covers by Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber ...

I was featured in youtube 101 people covering A medley of EENIE MEENIE song originally by Sean Kingston and Justin Bieber ....
Its a great feeling to know that I was featured in the video because it meant that someone acknowledge me and my so called singing abilities...wahahahahah

Its really my day today..lets continue again tomorrow!!
Im gonna go and attempt to make cupcakes now mwahahahaha

family gathering

So I went back to papar for family gathering..
I didn't get to eat a lot coz my stomach is making a scene since yesterday....

Ahhh...no energy...
but I managed to drive from my uncle's house to the main road before switching with my dad's wife on the way home...
and then get behind the wheels again for on the way to my dad's house....

Was fun!...
Enjoy the driving time..
but not the switching gear part..yes, I drive stick...
I need auto car for me to maneuver easily...=.=


XD



but It was fun...
My cousin brought her boyfriend there...no shock...
but atleast we get to talk....
hehehe

miss her so much....

glad to see she's sticking to this one for quite some time now....

when will my time come?....

hehee

Hurt with Never Ending Story

Im trying to get in tune for Christina Aguilera song called HURT...
I can't really go that high...
So basically I just used my head n stomach voice...
Which had been very hard coz I haven't had any voice practice in ages....=.=



This one is much loved..its in korean..which is something im currently hooked on hehehe...I just love yoon sang hyun voice..and really amazed on how he can hit those pitches perfectly...=.=

I wanna take voice lesson...
Money..oh money...come come here...I wanna use you....

finish!!

The war has ended...
Time for movies!!!

last day!!

Today is the final paper I'll be sitting for my examination..Wohoo!!!...
Im so happy I could cry..
After this, I'll be off from college for 2 weeks...holiday!!!...
Im gonna try and loose some of my tummy fat in that 2 weeks...
Im really into dancing now...and singing just come naturally for me..

my phrase of emo n so called "dark" route is beginning to fade..
So I hope it continues..I love being happy!!...

I wanna turn to a new lead...
Loose weight..
Try to be NICE..R xD
and loose tummy fat!!....

Wohhoooo...!!!
Im physicked!

Weird hotness

These guys are just weird hot!..
they can sing girl's song...perfectly!

Luv IT!

Ready for it!

I'm looking forward and preparing myself in sitting for 5 toughest subjects I've ever faced in exam!.....LAW, Hotel Operation, Accounting, English, Economics....
None of the subjects which I had learn while I was in high school...Except for English..

But....that's a different story...English Lvl 4 is in essay!...Oh..Only god knows how bad my relationship with essay is...=.='''

I MUST pass this subjects no matter what..
been in that college for almost 3 years now...
I'll hang myself if I'm staying for another year...=.=

Let 2010 be my final year there...
Then off to finish my duty in National Service for 3 months..
Then I'm gonna look for a job...
I'll probably more likely to work in a kitchen tho...xD
Then I'll see where it leads me..then I'll continue my degree...

because up to this point...
I'm beginning to HATE the word study...
=.=

Good Luck to myself and everyone who'll be sitting for their exam this weekend and next week!..
WE ALL NEED IT!!

.....

My exams is coming up....
But the thing that clouding my head wasn't it...
I end up lying to my dad and skipped class because..I just wasn't interested in facing anyone today..
I locked myself in my room until mid day and watch tv/movies the whole day..

I didn't find the fun in it anymore..

*sighs*

Everything seems so blurry...
I seem to be struggling just to get above the line..

*sighs*

SERIOUSLY?..
I don't know how far i'll go now...
Im not strong enough to face things...
Im done...

Changed!

Hi.
I've changed my blog link from Puppet-tears to highpointoflife...because there's where i want to reach..and the tagline from Growing up but far from adulthood..blablabla...to "I Am Moving On"..
coz..that's what I am doing!...

:)

-sha keera

effed up...

Lately my mood has been nothing but bad....

Im constantly angry..and moody..
Not to mention life has been so hectic that made me feel like killing myself!..

*sighs*

Wouldn't it be nice...if like is easier??..
pfft...yeah right..
If life is easy then im Lincoln in disguise ...

Weight control

How long since i post anything here?...
Basically my life had been nothing but crap..
So im going through a lot of stress...

added to it..
is I might have high blood or high cholesterol and my sugar level is high...
and doctors/helpers basically urge me to loose weight...
I tried to act cool and just laughed it off...
but I know deep down im trying to..
and I know im not trying to hard..

so starting this day...
I'll try and live a little healthy..
which means..more veges and vitamins...
less sugar and carb
More exercise...

I just checked my weight...
and looked like I gained a hell lot this past months..even though people kept on saying i've lost a little...

.....

im just head to head reaching the 100KG..
basically I feared of living life with 3 numbers for my weight
so Im cutting down a whole lotta shiz...

and Im not trying to make fun of people with the 3 numbers in the weight meter..
they might worked for you..
but not for me..
I REFUSE TO BE ON SUCH WEIGHT!!

So goodbye...junkies..and hello veges...
I still hate you..
but what to do..
you're my biggest influence to lead me on a better life...


dammit!!

................

Basically I feel like crap this past a few days...
and the "down" feelings hasn't been helping me also..
to many things in my head..

so unnecessary..

I need to focus with college subjects..
I've been falling behind and I've seen all my grades fell from average point to much worst...

Im gonna take this weekend off to relocate myself..
try to find the inner Sha Keera that used to be ME...

I need her more than ever now,
Cause the feeling of giving up is much stronger ..

im worried.....
Im worried I can't withstand it...

For now I shall take a deep breath..
Hold it in and let it go...

Another door close..
A New one will surely open

MOVING ON....

life as the way it is.......

Im to tired to rant..
I have so many things to solve rather than to just worry on small matters....

Good Night World and Have a Sweet Dream

.............again..FRICKEN SERIOUSLY???

Round up for this week..
Its not even the end of the week yet..
but i feel so pissed off!!..

A lot things happen ...
Respect me the same way I fricken respect you...
my tolerance is getting thinner and thinner...
The ice is gonna break soon..
Here treated as s*it..there....also no different..

What am I?
a FRICKEN DOLL??...

I don't like bullies...no matter in what ways..
I know im in no place to say such things..because I was one..
But come on la...
Im trying to change...
the word TRYING never been left out on any of my sentences..

I like to say thank you no matter if the person is helpful or not...
Coz that's the way I am..
NOT that I am prancing about it or trying to gain attention..
My parents thought me to always be grateful no matter how small their contributions are!

I like wearing flops because I feel the most comfortable wearing it!..
I can wear heels anytime NO QUESTION ask or whenever I feel like it..
to wear it everywhere? Why bother?...Im trying to look good and feel comfortable to myself NOT for anyone's satisfaction..
I like wearing shirts and jeans...
because I JUST LIKE THEM
Im trying to change but NOT drastically..
I STILL LOVE JEANS and SHIRTS..
Its the most casual style and I LOVE IT!..
I FEEL UTTER CONFIDENCE WEARING THEM!...

If I don't like it..then FULLSTOP!...It means I DON'T LIKE IT!..or MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME TO LIKE IT!...
Just because I have different taste doesn't meant you all can just go embarrass me like that in public..

Ice is thinning..
I appreciate everything..
but Im also a human being..

NO ONE LIKES TO BE HUMILIATED OR MADE FUN OF!...
I LIKE WHAT I LIKE
YOU LIKE WHATEVER YOU LIKE..
YOU DON'T SEE ME GO ANYWHERE AND MAKE FUN OF IT!...

*sighs*

I change when I feel like I want to....
Im not always gonna be like this..or am I?..
what you care?...
life belongs to every individual who's living it...

and Im living mine..
I appreciate everyone's help..
get it?..
I APPRECIATE....the HELP!..
But Im the one will be calling in the FINAL DECISION!...

Earth Hour 2010

27th March 2010
Marked another Earth Hour since 2007
Support Madam Earth
...
That's the least what im doing now by switching off any unused electricity for 1 hour starting 8:30 until 9:30PM

Im doing my part..
What about you?

Update: Parte 2 (So Far)

This is my final update to catch up...
im currently trying to do as much as I can this weekend....and start doing revision for upcoming tests....I know Im not a smart person..or even good at any subject =.=
But I want to try my hardest to pass this semester...
I want to continue my journey to adulthood...

I want to be someone who my family and friends can rely on..
A shoulder they can lean on...
A person who they can talk freely to....

I want to be that person....
I want to be useful...


I can't keep on crying on the smallest things...
My heart belongs to god
My body and soul belongs to god
and Im sure he have a good reason why he let me live up until today
Although Im not always on the same path as him..
but Im trying hard to create my own life.....

I.want.to.see.life.on.the.greener.side.of.the.hill

update: Parte 1 (So Far)

Ah Its been so long since I last update...
Now while im resting and watching TV..
I might as well do this thing now...

Well lets see what happened since I last post anything here.....
So a couple of weeks ago, I just sat for my tests...a whole week of test..
I bound to fail any subjects...
With the deadline for all assignments just by my neck and about the event stuff...
I bound to die at some point..

Days of absolute NO concentration...
Kills me...
I play facebook application games to release stress..
No use..when I think about everything..
my head started to fill with all assignments, event and monetary things...

and stress comes knocking down the door again...

I take everything with a pinch of salt..
as what one of my lecturer said "Mr.Mali"..
I need to remind myself to hit him so hard for giving me that saying..
Coz EVERYTHING is so hard....
So So hard...
=.=

So lets start with the assignment matter...
It came like a bullet train..one after another...
and the deadline was like neighbors to each other...
As of now..I still have Economics, Law, English and Event assignments that needed to be done..
WHICH i havent even started yet...
and the deadline for most of it is...next week or next 2 weeks
and IN BETWEEN is the presentation...=.=

Along the line..I sat for my tests...LAW, ECONOMICS, ACCOUNTING,ENGLISH and HOTEL OPERATION...
I pass 3 of the subjects ONLY!!..
and by far LAW has been a biggest challenge for me..because I could only score 18% out of 100%..
I need to focus on my assignment and TEST 2 to make it up for the mess....
FOCUS!!!

My economics was shy of 4 marks to pass the test..and he's only giving 1 test...=.=
I need to make it up on the assignment and presentation for it..
so I hope they can cover for my failure...

Surprisingly I pass my 1st accounting test...
which I didn't even concentrate on studying the subject at all...
I just finish the assignment and my group had done with the presentation..so I hope I can have a good coursework mark.....because i am definitely NOT confident with the second test this coming wednesday..=.=

My English test 1 was probably the best out of all..because I managed to get a hefty score of 92%
So Im pretty much happy for it..
So im gonna do the best I can for the 2nd test..because the new lecturer is seriously a stingy person..=.='''
(Why can't ALL of my subject scores look like this?....)

As for Hotel Operation..We only get one test...I handed in our group assignment and in a couple of week, we will be doing the presentation...So that scared the isht out of me..because I want to pass this subject...My test score is not that great but I managed to pass it...
So Im quite happy...

Left is the event..
on 20th March 2010.......HMG and TMG students had held a Culinary Workshop cum International Food Exhibition event at Asia City Complex...
A lot of things happened...I was the Arts and Creative Director Assistant, I was in charge of Australian Stall with Ms.F and I was also the Master of Ceremony with the help of Chloe...

That day I run 3 jobs...
Its not a shocking thing for me to do more than 1 job...
but....all of that was new to me...
I like artsy things all of my life
I've always wanted to know what its like to have my own stall to take care of...
and I did a small Emcee-ing back in my days...

Doing all of those three was impossible..
But I managed with the help of my great friends...:)
I appreciate them so much!!..

I got a little quarrel with Ms.F about our stall..she was neglecting her job as my partner and focus more on the people who sponsored us by taking care of THEIR exhibition rather than our own...things went well in the end...
but everyone kept saying how much my face shows my bad mood..
but I didnt even notice anything...LOL..
Maybe Its just the stress kicking in..
coz I was practicing my emcee lines with Chloe while helping Dyana with the Art n Creative things..which I know in the end I mostly help a little ONLY..So SORRY...

A lot of things had happen towards the month of March..
Some was negative...sad.....etc..
but mostly it was fun..
I grew a lot this year..
I've bought my FIRST dress....
I've tried SO many dresses...(which I could NEVER do back in the days because of the small amount of confidence planted in me....xD)

Im becoming a little girlish-er than last year..
Its a scary thing...
but im trying to make it happen...
Its gonna be hard..
but atleast im trying xD..


Im looking forward on what future will bring for me..:)



It feels like im finally on my way to be an adult......

Tired....FCUK IT!

so this past 4 weeks has been killing me..
to the point of tearing up my eyes...
My life and MONEY is officially revolve around event management..

Im officially a pauper...=.=
..
Anyways...
after a hard weeks of stress....
Weekend is finally..so I was hoping after finishing up everything, I would get a rest in mind...

BUT NOOOOO~~~.
It just had to be fkin ruined!..
So what if she's being nice to me?..
Do I look like I care a bit?..
Someone's doing a nice thing to me.
so in return...its just proper to be nice...eventhough at heart you know the truth might hurt her..

so tell me what is your position to said those things?..
It JUST happened..
there's pictures of proof..doesn't mean i'll jump with glee and ANNOUNCE it to everyone..

H.E.L.L.O
Im 20..may be slightly IDIOTIC than you..
but I know how to take care of myself..
I dont need constant attention to continue life..
NOR do I need a MOTHERLY FRIGGIN FIGURE to ensure myself...

what I know..My mom's dead...dead for 7 years...
no one can take her place in my heart..
not her...not any mother in law...certainly not you!...

everyone has their own status in my heart...
BAPA..IS BAPA..
AUNTIE is HIS WIFE..
her daughter..is HER FRIGGIN DAUGHTER...
KELLY is my brother..no matter how much an ass he can be at time..
and YOU...You'll always be a sister to me...someone who I look up too..
someone that I know will be there all the time..

but you know what..
if this continues....*sighs*

THERE'S POINT WHERE EVERYONE WILL BE FED UP...!!~!!!

Just because you're older than me..doesn't mean it gives you all the rights to make me feel like ISHT....

I love you....but im not friggin DOG! for you to boss, kick and step on...
The reason I don't fight back..is because of respect...
and its fading away...

I know im not this golden award given daughter or sister..
but im trying REAL hard not to do anything stupid..

come on la..
HOME is where I can just shut myself from the outside world..
AT College is no different..im bossed around and always yelled at..
being used..kicked on the curb...called stupid..was the JOKE of everything..

ndakkan rumah sendiri pun ada perasaan begini?..

Kalau semua pun ndak ngam....baik aku mati jak kan...kurang jgak beban kamu smua..
KAN MAU JAGA KAMU PUNYA PERASAAN JAK..
AKU NI MANADA PERASAAN..
SIAPA LA AKU NIE!!!!!

ndak berguna di dunia..ntah la...di akhirat mcm mana!

weekend!! and more rants from college to life..and MONEY

Tomorrow's the weekend...
But it still feel like college as I'll be doing revisions..assignments and event stuffs...
Freakin' TIRED!!..

I need my sleep...
why oh why?
I need to rest my head before starting fresh..
everyday I woke up sleepy...
and everynight I sleep like a log but my mind's rotating all the work that needed to be done...

but thankfully...
2 of my assignments are finish..
so Im left with
Economic and Accounting2 assignment which the deadline is just around the corner..and I havent done much of it =.=...

tests...is totally gonna kill me..
Hotel Operation test..on 11th march
Law Test..on 8th march
Economic test on 12th march

Not to mention...
ALL assignments are provided with beautiful presentations WHICH i have not even memorized or read..

and to top it ALL off...
The Culinary Workshop event is in 2 weeks time...
and A HELL LOT OF THINGS NEEDED TO BE DONE...

Im doing all of this with a sprained ankle...

.....hmm....I should get an award for this....=.=''

SO what happen in event class today..
I might be rude..
but I guess I just lashed out to my work partner, Fiona...

WHICH I apologize for lashing out on her this morning..I know her intentions are good..
I know she wanted to impress the VVIP's that Hospitality and Tourism students can perform culinary arts well...but the difference between me and her is that...SHE'S A WORKING GIRL and IM NOT...

so She was suggesting US to make cakes for the VVIP who participates in this event....
I was on the verge of tearing up..
and im telling you NO LIES..
I ALMOST in tears because of it...

why?

I don't have money anymore..
This god forsaken event is sucking me out of my life...
If I have RM100 today....after the event class I would be owing my purse -RM100...
My dad kept on "singing" in my ears about the OVER money spending...

Im even on the verge of cutting myself just to let loose of the burden a little..
*sighs*
I need to go to the college's prom night... on this May 22nd..
I need to just let loose of myself and forget everything for ONE night...

I need that..

The payment is about RM70..
which I only pay abt RM50 now...

and I need to find a suitable dress for it...
Pretty sure the COST of the dress might literally give me a heart attack..

cause im managing everything from the daily RM10 my dad give me for college...
thus the reason why im more money cautious now...

I'll just with do with what I got now....
I still have RM70 with dyana....but i dont feel like using it now...
i still wanna keep it for another rainy day..
but im facing HEAVY RAIN+EARTHQUAKE here...
=.=
I might ask my dad to support me a couple of bucks more..

I dun feel like asking him for more money nowadays...
He's supporting the WHOLE family is hard enough already...
There are times I would think..."If I get a job and get married soon [prior no children atm] , I would not be much of burden to him anymore"

Right now, the only thing in my head is to finish college and find a job..
I know my dad wants me to continue study...truthfully..I don't feel like continuing my studies at the moment...I just need to see the world from a worker's eyes and continue where im going....

This is hard!..No one ever said that this is easy....*sighs*

PS: Lately I've been having chest pains and pain in the kidney area...thus the reason why im so cautious when my friends play "POKE SHAKEERA" on the waist game....Not because im such a plastic bitch or anything...Its just..the pain is UNBEARABLE....

Maybe Its nothing....Its been 1 1/2 year since this chest pain came back...I guess its prolly nothing much....

Im still breathing right???...

but...sometimes I wish I didn't....=.=


GOSH~ I can't believe the state of stress im in now....It makes me feel dying is better than living...

But...whenever I feel like giving my life up...I always think..I live up until now...im pretty sure a couple more years wouldn't hurt that bad

Funny.how.life.goes.

Weekend please come!

Im tired to the bone..
This semester is basically the toughest I've ever faced...
Im tired every morning and every night..
Even when I go to sleep, everything kept on flashing back onto my mind...
Thus,waking up in a very tired mode...

I feel like dying....
*sighs*

DBKK Treasure Hunt Parte 2

The HUNT is on!
So yesterday we went for the hunt!...





This was the day before...where we went for the briefing meeting!!..
Ahh~~~
On 28th Feb 2010..
Everyone woke up EXTRA early!..
We went to Lintas Yoyo to meet up..and start sticking all the stickers to kath's car

LUCKY #71~~~



Some Pics taken AFTER the race finished






Some of the games we played to get points!!





We fought..had a little misunderstood....We went the wrong way...we got stuck with the questions given...but in the end...above all that..We had fun!!...

More pics are on my facebook....add me up to view it..coz privacy is an important thing!

DBKK Treasure Hunt

Tomorrow I'll be going to the DBKK Treasure Hunt meeting at 1pm until 4pm..then the next day we'll be competing with other hopefuls in winning the hunt..so im looking forward for it..if I have time..I'll take pics of it xD

15 minutes to 3AM

Im beat...
and
Im tired..
Final post for this early morning..

peace out!

Culinary Workshop cum International Food Exhibition

Presenting my artwork...or whatever u called it..mainly i called it sampling craps!..why?...CERTAIN SOMEONE is so picky about it =.=...

This is my 3rd draft of my artwork..
The first and second draft is on publisher..and im too lazy to convert the image to .JPG/.JPEG


This is my fourth draft....
I guess at this point I kinda like it more than the first one..
Coz It seemed more.....professional like...from a maker like me xD



My 4th draft got rejected..
So presenting my 5th draft..
Of course by this time I got a bit fed-up on making the flier...OVER and OVER again..and started to just give 60% of it...

She seemed to like my emo-ish background but not to happy with the images I used and the color wordings....so she needed a change...

Again...Fed up is what on my mind..and physically and mentally I got tired...
This is my 5th and final draft...Final time im doing this crap...why?..coz im tired to kept on changing it...so I didn't change much..and I was just giving about 40% of it....

I showed it to her...She liked everything..
But she have a problem with the background...
wtf?....
She didn;t like the yellow-ish buliding look....
So I told her...The background is from google...
So basically..i can't easily delete it...
then she was nodding and was like.."Ahh~~"...
And decided to use this...


As much as I hate to admit it...
Im kinda thankful for it..
It really made me connected with the artiste inside me..xD...
I kinda like it...
but wont be looking forward in doing it for a long long time...hahha =.='''V

no more rest

So Chinese New Year rest is almost over..
tomorrow will be the day I'll get back to college again...
Ah~~..
Truth to be told..I don't feel like going back yet..
Im still on resting/lazy mode...
but that's how life is...
"It grabs you by the ball while you least expect of it"...

*sighs*

I have 2 assignments due on march WHICH i haven't event started yet...
I am digging my own grave...
I have about 100% of each assignments that needed to be done...
and Im only done about 0.2%

Im as good as dead!...

Anyways...I might pull an all nighter ...but that rarely happen unless im over stressing myself..
anywho....I might just do it and try to make it better before the deadline...

Im a capable person.....
in a stressing situation....

Not boasting myself..but thats how I am...


Off to stress myself...

Chaiyo!

OH!

OH!! so cool xD

a girls generation cover.....
The song was stuck in my head for almost a week now..
so i decided to learn the dance move yesterday for an hour and recorded it today at high noon..as u can see from my yellow clock at the back it was 3++PM xD...

The routine I followed is from WaWaSchool-Rookie's Generation. the dude cover...
not from the girls dance video....

Its still unpolished...but mehh..I like it....

and Yes..yes...im not a tight bikini size...so live with it....no one's perfect

ps: im TO lazy to write anything this is just a copy paste description from my youtube LOL

enjoy ^_^

OH!

yup! OH!...
new song from Girls Generation..
the music is addictive..
...At first I thought the dance was hard..
but after learning it for a couple of hours...its actually easy than I thought xD....
I just need to memorize it and then record it hehehe.....

Love the song.....after this song, I wanna learn Eun Ji Won's Siren song...
USELESS!!!...xD...Coz I always start laughing my arse off whenever I see the crab dance LOL....
maybe I'll take a break and start singing again...
been so long since I actually record a decent song and mix it...=.=....


anyways....thats all hahahahah

Pictures

As promised these are the pics that i was talking about last night.....

Fun~~

15th February was fun....
I went out with my friends at night!..
and that never happens...

I mean..NEVER..
I guess it didnt really count much coz I got into fight my dad the day before and I skip meal for 1 and a half day...which I lost remarkably 2Kilos...then I gain back 1Kilo at Felicity's Chinese New Year open house...
I need to remind myself that girl is CRAZY xD...
She gave me an alcoholic drink from her cabinet collection..I swear to god..im not a fun fan of liquor..so I just took a sip...
Coz not nice la she poured this expensive drink for me to waste...
but the person I scared the most is the judge beyond earth..a.k.a god himself xD...
im SO going to hell =.=...

ANYWAYS~~...I strayed from the story again =.=...
*sorry sorry*
I didnt tell my dad about me hanging out with friends..but I guess auntie told him...So before I took off...Mcm besa la....Salam tangan..hormat orang tua...
It was funny..I was angry at him but my heart soften....so I was holding back the smile...reaaaal bad xD.....
So when I was holding out my hand to salam...he said to me..."Tau pun salam"...Then I answered "Of coz la...Manatau aku mati tengah jalan"..then he replied "Aku Kubur Jak"...

Sabar jak la kan??..
But funny la...coz thats how me and my dad reconcile things..NONE of us wants to admit our wrong doings....

Anyways....after chinese new year celebration at Fely's house, we went to 1st beach....
Met my old good friend a.k.a lover xD....PIXIE YAP....Didnt really recognize her...she had grown so much...err....she's still 'small' but she had matured over the years..and she still remembers me...Ahhh how much I've missed the old days...

Then, Kath send me back home..
Kinda feel sorry for her..
I wish I could drive already so that I wouldnt be much of a burden to EVERYONE...

I've taken some pics from my crappy camera phone..
BUT....Uploading it here when I feel like it...
Coz to tired to do so...
Ah~~...

Today I've become a girl..I ditched the whole black T-shirt things and went to a more girly outfit....black tight leggings..and high heel....with a colorful eye make up...

The change was...........HARD.....TIRING.....and..PAINFUL...=.='''
AH~~~ Things I do to make people satisfy.....

Well..Im off to bed.....
Nighty Night

is it wrong?

Is it so wrong for me to cook full course dinner for the whole family and wanting everyone to be there and eat?...

Tell me if its wrong??...
Its 2010...and we all NEVER sit one table and eat together..
So I started cooking today with the intention for all of us to eat together..
and by that I meant..

Me, Kelly, Bapa, Kakak, Leo, Izzati, Auntie and her daughter...

itupun mau marah ka?...
tiap kali masak on certain occasion pun kena marah
salah ka menunggu smua untuk makan sama2?
kalau salah buat apa mau anak ramai2 kalau ndak makan sama???

I cook with my heart...
so that i want EVERYONE to feel my love in ONE table..

Salah ka?..

Kalau salah baik ndak payah masak lagi seumur hidup....
Baik mati kalau gitu....

Nangis pun tambah kasi sakit hati jak...

I.Dont.Want.To.Be.Here.At.The.Moment

Lunar New Year dinner

So we went out for dinner last night...









Was fun....

This was my before look..


-Puffy Eyes...
-Red-ish skin
-After Shower Look

XD

After Look..Finishing touches..



-Emo-ish look..wasnt aiming for it...=.=
- Im not a fan of color on my lips....[In need to find a nude lipstick] xD
-I trimmed my bangs a little coz it was getting to long...




my eyes....xD
Black......is beautiful...BIB..

Chinese New Year & Valentine Day

My post has NOTHING to do with the title..
Im having a writer's TITLE block! xD

Well, the original plan was to cook for the whole family on the night of Chinese New Year's Eve...
which is NOT happening...
So we'll be eating out instead.......So my dad's wife suggest instead of me cooking tonight...why dont I just cook tomorrow...That's okay with me..but the main problem is it depends on my mood and eagerness in cooking...I want to make it special and had mentally prepared since 2 weeks ago to cook on this day....I hope the determination and eagerness still lives the next day so I can cook for the whole family...

Shhhh....deep in my heart, I wouldn't mind doing all the cooking and cleaning but still someone as lazy as me need something to boost me in doing it...hehehe xD...

^ I'll ALWAYS deny it if u ever mention this

......Im looking for a couple of days rest before starting my assignments....
Everytime I start my day ...I always remind myself " Sha Keera! Fighting!"...
Its a korean term to do things well..
So it boost me up mentally...but not for the whole day...

.....im getting off topic!....
Ahhh Aigu~~~~

....
Well....Im not sure if my dad's Chinese/Kadazan family will be calling us to celebrate the new years tomorrow or not.....and as usual.....another year of celebrating Valentine's Day...Alone...
*sighs*
I guess I've grown used to celebrating it alone....
But im looking forward in having the 'other' person with me too ^_^....

Anyways..
GONG XI FA CHAI minna~~
and LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY to all u little boys and girls xD

soul out

So this week has been a hell for me....
2 weeks in a row...
tired............TIRED...

So I decided to go to this Valentine vs Chinese New Year thingy organized by the college president and INTIMA...I was looking forward on joining and have fun with with everyone...
There's this words that keeps on popping in my head afterwards "regression is too late"...

Oh My God!..I never felt so...Bored in my entire life...Even the most boring classes or places i've attended NEVER bored me out!...
It felt my soul flew out of my body and my mind just checked out...
The food was nice...
The atmosphere was...Ok..
The people was the problem..

First!..the WRONG timing for the gathering...
Its close to Chinese New Year..and prolly 75% of the students had gone back to hometown
Second!.SOME people should just be nice..even IF they tend to be a hypocrite..
shooting FAT people as a joke to make the surrounding more fun..doesnt make YOU sounds cool or whatever...
It just calls you for a beating...
and its a good thing I wasnt in a mood of paying back the deed....

No one's perfect hunny....not even you...

ahhh such a waste of money....
If I was looking for people to make fun of big sized people..I would've just walk around the streets...
Its FREE OF CHARGE!

More Than Words than just BitterHeart

boredom kills..
V day is just around the corner..so this is just a little gift for all those lonely souls like me..and my good friends...kitty kath and DianDian hehehe



love ya'll

I need to re-energized..WTF with this fat issues?

Lately I've been very tired..
I cant really focus on any subject without yawning..
I yawn for every 5 minutes...
I kept on rubbing my eyes to stay awake...

I need some Zzz time pronto!

So yesterday I went back to my late mom's kampung...
yes...yes..no one MISSED doing the "fat" gesture to me...
this girl treating me like im 17...while doing the "fat" body language to me..

what did I do?

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...
Why?..

Because I accept that I am not skinny..
but why does everyone need to get under my skin about it?..

Come la people..
me being fat doesnt really bothers me..
so It shouldnt be bothering you also...

*sigh*
I DO want to loose weight..
WHEN the time comes...
By then....

and im saying it nicely...

My body..MY life.....

be it that way

Token of my 'LOVE" for Diyana

For this upcoming valentine's day...
I've made up a special EMBARASSING act of mine for the pleasure of my Love's watch..
Dont get me wrong...
I meant love not in a sexual way..
But in a friendship way..

I look up to my friends not only as partners in crime ..hehe..but also my sisters..
we may not come from the same family...but we are SISTERS for life ^_^

Although I bitch a lot to her..
But she has been a good friend...
Through thick and thin...
I hope she can see through my childish act and bitchiness..

U know above all I love you my friend ^_^

Pondering....thoughts....giving up...?

I've lost interest in college...
No..
More on..I've lost my reasons WHY I need to be in college..

To study?..
To get the certificate for a better job?..
To widen my 'friend' range?
To find Mr.Right?..
To get better education?..
To satisfy certain people?


Seriously..I've lost my connection on it..
back in 2007..When I started my first year in college, taking up Hotel Management as my major..I thought I would like to work in a hotel someday..and earn my living from it. Then goes on continuing my degree, along the way I try to find myself a man and see what future brings us..

I started thinking seriously on 2008 that...its.not.what.I.really.want.to.do.in.life.
I tried to be positive and just do it and hope along the way, I'll see what I saw on my 2007 thoughts.
To think of it...Now its 2010..and all I have been doing is the "Just do it" part and not the other way around.
Although I always said to give up quickly..but I never do it that fast..
I still feel like I want to do it...
but I believe Im doing this JUST to satisfy my dad..and his hard earn cash that's being burned i my course..just adds up the guilt

My heart is not at the right place
..
So does my ability to continue this..

Some of you might think that what im doing is pointless..
But I do struggle all the time just to break even things [Although I dont show it much to people and make them believe im living a happy life all the time] .
Im no where near the intelligent area..So I make use of my communication skill as much as I can through presentations to cover my flaw...and for the extra markings!

"This is NOT pointless"
Everyday....Everyday I say this in my head...Re-playing in my mind like a broken record...
A good friend of mine say "U will not go in the line of hospitality after U graduate"...
I asked for a reason..and she never gave me one. She kept on implying the same words over and over again..
I wont lie..the anger was there...the curiosity was there...
All I did ...correction..ALL I EVER DID in this kind of situation is just fricken smile..

It makes me wonder when she said that..
"Am I not good enough for this working line?"
"Am I just that plain stupid old fool to just close my eyes and do whatever anyone wants me to do?"
or
"Why in the hell did she said that?"..

I need reason to back up whatever people said..
Everyday I heard people calling me naive, stupid, straight forward..
Well, Im sorry..
I was raised to be a truthful person..
I was raised not to be a rude person..
I was raised..blah blah blah...

Although throughout the years, I followed someone's footsteps and discovered being a rebel isn't a bad thing.
But I still cant change on who I was raised into..

Im not wasting my precious time...
Although I am SURE thats how EVERYONE see me as...
Be lenient on me..
and have a little FAITH..

If you can put your trust and believe on the next person..
why not put it on me too?

im 20 and remain unchanged

*sigh*
I finally move out from the *1 area and entered the 20's
Im in my early 20's...

Its only been a day and I felt the pain of getting old =.=
I played approximately 2 hours of DDR plus 1 hour of Soul Calibur...[Yes im a gamer] tonight..
and I have a test in 10 hours..and only covered the first chapter...3 more to go..
ahhh my aching body...
But it was refreshing..
Hahaha...To be able to move that much..
Ahhh So good to be young again...


Im not EXACTLY old..but for those age conscious people might know what i mean...
Hahahha....=.='''

So today I was texting with an awesome friend of mine...Dyana!!!
She was saying that I've lost some weight off from me..
And I replied her "Lost weight??..I eat everyday like pig and u say I lost weight?"

LOL...


I seriously don't feel the calories burning off of me...

Ahhhh....Another amazing old friend of mine Rainee..will be returning home from UK this year..and she's wants to see a whole new "healthier" and girly looking me...
Last year I said I wanted to buy a more girly outfit for me on 2010..
Let me recap what I bought...
T-SHIRT!!!!!!

=.='''


Ahhh..maannn~~~~
I need to start doing this...
=.=

girly isnt my thing..
wait...It is....I like being girly..
but dresses..frillies....HEELS...are NOT my thing..
Im more comfortable wearing shirts..and more confidence in black..
Which is a big issue for the WHOLE world now...
Ahhhh...`~

Better cut my wrists..and die slowly...
=.=
Everyday I say the same thing...the mark hasn't faded yet...HAhahaha =.=

I need to settle my issue....


buh bye~~

love,
20 year old me

1 today...2 tomorrow

Today I spend my final day in the front number of 1 today..
Tomorrow I'll start my life being a 2....

Don't understand?

Today Im spending my day being 19..
Tomorrow marks my new life being 20...

Oh man....~~
Im getting older...
Somehow...The first thing came to mind...is how much I wish mummy was here to celebrate me turning 20...

I guess that would be a little...difficult eh?..
Hahah =.='''

Anyways....Im really hoping that this would actually be a year that I REALLY enjoy my own birthday...


^_^

Up to this point....

Im feeling it!..
Im feeling the tiredness...
Today at college was a total NO MOOD day for me...
Don't feel like doing anything..
Felt like I faked all the smiles today..

I just wanna go home and crawl under my blanket and shut myself from outside world...

Im tensed up!
Today was suppose to be another friends outing day....
I was in no mood for it...
So I didn't go with them...

Feels like its the least I can do..NOT to ruin their mood ...
So yeah...
Sorry girls...
Im hoping tomorrow would be a little better for me....

hopefully....la

25th Jan

Its a sad sad time right now..
I picked up a siamese kitten blue eyes with snowy white fur yesterday
Just to have it killed by some EFFED up cat a couple of hours ago..

I was sad..
But the sadness didn't feel as much hurt as I imagined..
It might've been because I didnt really spend that much time with him..
we had chosen his name ..
My sis thought about naming him Shiro [which translate to white in english]
I though on naming him "Si Putih"...[Which translates to white in english...]
And Kelly wanted to named him "Edward Cullen" [The Twilight Vampire...i think =.=]

LOL..
We even seen his future with our family....
unfortunately..we didn't foresee early death...

God rest his tiny little soul..wherever he is now...T_T


We love you...even if its just within 24 hours

I just realized something

....that im turning 20 in a week.....=.=
Time flies so fast...=.=''

i.feel.old.

Heartbreaker [Izzati]

\

Izzati's version on the first half of GDRAGON Heartbreaker song....
Its a full smash course of 15 minutes of me teaching her xD...
It was TENSE!

But I managed! xD
Anyways.....
I think she did OK for someone who's body is stiff when it comes to choreographed dance...=.=

Anyways...enjoy people!!
xD

update!

Its only been a couple of weeks since college life RE-started..
and Im feeling the burn!!

Coming home everyday feeling tired...sleepy and most of all UBER headache..
God knows the feeling ..he made me this way =.=
Lately I've been thinking of HIM...
Religiously speaking..Im not that religious xD...
but he has been on my mind since 2010...

I guess im noticing HIM now....
I'll be turning 20 soon..and my god..more challenge awaits me ahead...

Im not ready!..

In another news...xD
My sis and Leo [her husband] has started this burger selling..
and I occasionally helped them at times....

I guess in another words...
I DO have a heart and sympathetic feeling towards people...xD

Anyways..Im beat..
College event is killing me..
Hotel Law....is killing me
Accounting 2....is killing me...
Hotel Operation ..is killing me
Economics...is killing me..
Even good ol' English subject is killing me...

this is gonna be a hell of a year for me...
too many things at one time..

I hope I don't breakdown and start doing stupid things...
I need to live in order to start my life....


Im not making sense right?....
Im too tired to even try making sense right now...

Im tired of acting happy and all smiley when im dead beat....
I need a rest!

TGIF

Thank God Its Friday!!...
It feels like ages for this day to come....=.=

I have 2 more days to rest and be free before kicking in learning gear and drive straight to tests =.=

Oh did I mentioned I am a Creative and Arts Assistant Director now on our upcoming Event Management which is a culinary workshop...dang~~~

I can't get any girly then this...

So I went out with Kath,Dyana,Feli and Pui Vun...
Went to City Mall..
The first shop we went in was a ladies foot wear shop...
They were TRYING to find me a high heel to wear everyday...
LOL..
they failed!
And then they even TRIED to slip me in some girly outfits
..again...LOL..
They failed the 2nd time...

They asked me to wear different color than black..
Of course...I have absolute NO confidence in strutting myself in other colors than black...
Dyana questioned about the new jeans I bought yesterday LOL...
Vintage is sexy for me...
I love it LOL...

Its funny...they tried SO hard to change me into the girl I am and ended up being emotionally rejected by me...
This year one of my resolution is to become a little girly..
Uh...I'll try la..if can...can la..if not..then...tut tut tut...LOL

So far

So...I just got the internet line today..
So Far....since 2010 arrive..

on NEW YEAR's day
I had cooked lunch set for the whole family....Tom Yam, Dessert, Soup xD...
So we went to the zoo afterwards...I started my year by falling flat on my knees..
NOT ONCE..but TWICE...So I ripped my jeans...and It was still new..=.=

2nd Day of New Year..went to enrol at college..I've cleared pass all 5 subjects..which is rare...more RARE is when I got an A LOL...
The whole grades was 1A, 2B+ and 2C+...
Mehh..I've cleared pass..thats what important LOL..
and then me and my sis went out to BAN LOONG's Jewelry shop...to exhange my late mummy's golden bangles..to a more...'intrend?' style..that we could wear...*sigh*....

I remembered coming home with a HEAVY guilt trip in my heart...seems like my dad and....dunno la...hard bah to explain....I went to my room and I cried...wasn't worth it...I know it wasn't....now 3 of her rings are passed down to me...I want to keep it that way....
Even if one day I have my own children...i'll forbid them to change the rings...
Let it be a family heirloom....

Lazy to talk la...
I wanna start my year fresh...
whatever I have now...i have la~...

seriously....not worth it........

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!
to celebrate this amazing 2010 year..
I decided to do these 3 amazing 2009 song in one video...xD
No edit or such xD

And yes my butt is that big xD...no cursin peeps....its the new yeah xD...

Anyways...
I hope everyone liked this..
and enjoyed the vid...
I followed the original dance version..of course with a touch of heachanity...to make it..well....weird and mine xD....

Love it....people...xD

Mr by Kara: I learned the dance today
Abracadabra: I remembered the steps from my previous B.E.G vid xD...with improvisation on Ga-in's sexy dance xD
GDragon: Same with abracadabra...I remembered it from my previous video..before I got cut off from the phone call LOL

and yes...I copy all this from my youtube description LOL...

2010

so 2010 is here..
and goodbye 2009..

I always thought 2009 was a pretty sucky year for me..
but when i think about it...
it has been very unexpected for me...
I grew a lot out from it..
and somehow I've change in a little way that I might be one step closer to adulthood than I could ever imagine...

but im not ready to grow up yet xD...
Im hoping 2010 will bring me great joy..

waiittttt....isn't this to early to reminisce things?..2009 was just like.....yesterday xD...

Anyways...Im looking forward for what 2010 will in stored for me...

Things I wanna change for my OWN self is:
->To be more responsible
-> Be a great person [every year the same thing..but I don't think i've changed =.=]
->improve in my studying,singing and dancing...[im still holding my dreams tightly on this hands ^_^]
->Be more confident
->Be More Friendly..
-> I guess being a little girly in case of clothing wouldn't hurt much right?...[HAVE to put this on the list...people kept on nag nag nag on me =.=]
->Love myself and everyone else more!!
->cut down fb or any internet surfing and more into healthy lifestyle
->LIVING


Hopefully..I can achieve the things I am aiming for...
I want to ACTUALLY LIVE in this place and LOVING every minute of it....