Tired....FCUK IT!

so this past 4 weeks has been killing me..
to the point of tearing up my eyes...
My life and MONEY is officially revolve around event management..

Im officially a pauper...=.=
..
Anyways...
after a hard weeks of stress....
Weekend is finally..so I was hoping after finishing up everything, I would get a rest in mind...

BUT NOOOOO~~~.
It just had to be fkin ruined!..
So what if she's being nice to me?..
Do I look like I care a bit?..
Someone's doing a nice thing to me.
so in return...its just proper to be nice...eventhough at heart you know the truth might hurt her..

so tell me what is your position to said those things?..
It JUST happened..
there's pictures of proof..doesn't mean i'll jump with glee and ANNOUNCE it to everyone..

H.E.L.L.O
Im 20..may be slightly IDIOTIC than you..
but I know how to take care of myself..
I dont need constant attention to continue life..
NOR do I need a MOTHERLY FRIGGIN FIGURE to ensure myself...

what I know..My mom's dead...dead for 7 years...
no one can take her place in my heart..
not her...not any mother in law...certainly not you!...

everyone has their own status in my heart...
BAPA..IS BAPA..
AUNTIE is HIS WIFE..
her daughter..is HER FRIGGIN DAUGHTER...
KELLY is my brother..no matter how much an ass he can be at time..
and YOU...You'll always be a sister to me...someone who I look up too..
someone that I know will be there all the time..

but you know what..
if this continues....*sighs*

THERE'S POINT WHERE EVERYONE WILL BE FED UP...!!~!!!

Just because you're older than me..doesn't mean it gives you all the rights to make me feel like ISHT....

I love you....but im not friggin DOG! for you to boss, kick and step on...
The reason I don't fight back..is because of respect...
and its fading away...

I know im not this golden award given daughter or sister..
but im trying REAL hard not to do anything stupid..

come on la..
HOME is where I can just shut myself from the outside world..
AT College is no different..im bossed around and always yelled at..
being used..kicked on the curb...called stupid..was the JOKE of everything..

ndakkan rumah sendiri pun ada perasaan begini?..

Kalau semua pun ndak ngam....baik aku mati jak kan...kurang jgak beban kamu smua..
KAN MAU JAGA KAMU PUNYA PERASAAN JAK..
AKU NI MANADA PERASAAN..
SIAPA LA AKU NIE!!!!!

ndak berguna di dunia..ntah la...di akhirat mcm mana!