weekend!! and more rants from college to life..and MONEY

Tomorrow's the weekend...
But it still feel like college as I'll be doing revisions..assignments and event stuffs...
Freakin' TIRED!!..

I need my sleep...
why oh why?
I need to rest my head before starting fresh..
everyday I woke up sleepy...
and everynight I sleep like a log but my mind's rotating all the work that needed to be done...

but thankfully...
2 of my assignments are finish..
so Im left with
Economic and Accounting2 assignment which the deadline is just around the corner..and I havent done much of it =.=...

tests...is totally gonna kill me..
Hotel Operation test..on 11th march
Law Test..on 8th march
Economic test on 12th march

Not to mention...
ALL assignments are provided with beautiful presentations WHICH i have not even memorized or read..

and to top it ALL off...
The Culinary Workshop event is in 2 weeks time...
and A HELL LOT OF THINGS NEEDED TO BE DONE...

Im doing all of this with a sprained ankle...

.....hmm....I should get an award for this....=.=''

SO what happen in event class today..
I might be rude..
but I guess I just lashed out to my work partner, Fiona...

WHICH I apologize for lashing out on her this morning..I know her intentions are good..
I know she wanted to impress the VVIP's that Hospitality and Tourism students can perform culinary arts well...but the difference between me and her is that...SHE'S A WORKING GIRL and IM NOT...

so She was suggesting US to make cakes for the VVIP who participates in this event....
I was on the verge of tearing up..
and im telling you NO LIES..
I ALMOST in tears because of it...

why?

I don't have money anymore..
This god forsaken event is sucking me out of my life...
If I have RM100 today....after the event class I would be owing my purse -RM100...
My dad kept on "singing" in my ears about the OVER money spending...

Im even on the verge of cutting myself just to let loose of the burden a little..
*sighs*
I need to go to the college's prom night... on this May 22nd..
I need to just let loose of myself and forget everything for ONE night...

I need that..

The payment is about RM70..
which I only pay abt RM50 now...

and I need to find a suitable dress for it...
Pretty sure the COST of the dress might literally give me a heart attack..

cause im managing everything from the daily RM10 my dad give me for college...
thus the reason why im more money cautious now...

I'll just with do with what I got now....
I still have RM70 with dyana....but i dont feel like using it now...
i still wanna keep it for another rainy day..
but im facing HEAVY RAIN+EARTHQUAKE here...
=.=
I might ask my dad to support me a couple of bucks more..

I dun feel like asking him for more money nowadays...
He's supporting the WHOLE family is hard enough already...
There are times I would think..."If I get a job and get married soon [prior no children atm] , I would not be much of burden to him anymore"

Right now, the only thing in my head is to finish college and find a job..
I know my dad wants me to continue study...truthfully..I don't feel like continuing my studies at the moment...I just need to see the world from a worker's eyes and continue where im going....

This is hard!..No one ever said that this is easy....*sighs*

PS: Lately I've been having chest pains and pain in the kidney area...thus the reason why im so cautious when my friends play "POKE SHAKEERA" on the waist game....Not because im such a plastic bitch or anything...Its just..the pain is UNBEARABLE....

Maybe Its nothing....Its been 1 1/2 year since this chest pain came back...I guess its prolly nothing much....

Im still breathing right???...

but...sometimes I wish I didn't....=.=


GOSH~ I can't believe the state of stress im in now....It makes me feel dying is better than living...

But...whenever I feel like giving my life up...I always think..I live up until now...im pretty sure a couple more years wouldn't hurt that bad

Funny.how.life.goes.